Because of Rachel Held Evans

Rachel Held Evans came into my life through her words. She came into my world, in my early 20s, when I was exploring what it means to be a female Christian leader. I first found her through her book “Biblical Womanhood” and immediately was drawn to her invitational way of wrestling with scripture. She explored scripture with humbling, poignant, humorous reflection and I deeply resonated with her writings. She brought women and their experiences of scripture forefront in that book and she reclaimed what it meant to be an Eshet Chayil, a woman of valor.

She was a female mentor to me when I had been longing for female mentors. When I had been longing to know what it truly means to be female and a faith leader. Her voice and the voices of Sarah Bessey, Nadia Bolz-Weber, and Sarah Miles were formative for me during that time in my early 20s. I consumed all of these books written by incredible women faith leaders because I was longing to discover how to be a woman faith leader in my own right.

I was surrounded and worked with so many incredible women faith leaders during that time. It was a blessing to work at the General Offices and have the opportunity to interact with so many incredible people. Emily. Becky. Tracy. Mary-Jo. Chris. Dana. Donna(s). Kim. All Christian female leaders in their own way and all formative for my own leadership in meaningful ways. I remember, specifically, leading a chapel service and being given the warmest, most encouraging hugs from Mary-Jo, Chris, Donna, Becky, Emily. I don’t remember the service I led, but the affirmation and encouragement of these wonderful women is a vibrant, warm memory.

After diving into Biblical Womanhood, I read Rachel’s other books about her own faith formation and soul-searching. I continued to read her blogs through the years and rejoiced when she announced her pregnancy. I appreciated her words and reflection as current events took place. She was a voice of comfort, a voice of reason, a voice of deep theologically thinking spoken to everyday people.

The loss of Rachel Held Evans is stirring in me the sadness and rage I felt at the loss of female leaders in my own denomination gone before their time. I grieve the enormous loss of her leading and the formation of people to come. I mourn and rage the unfairness that such vibrant and powerful life can be extinguished. I grieve the loss of her continued voice, her continued teaching, and continued prophesying and preaching. I grieve the loss of her vibrant life for her husband and her children, for her family, and her friends who journeyed with her. I grieve her loss and all that was yet to be.